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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Be Safe - Buy Offensive Language Offsets Now!

Tired of the language police raking you over the coals when you utter something they consider offensive? Wish you could just pay some money and make everything all better? Well Chickenhawk Express is proud to announce a special way that you can say whatever you want without fear of national ridicule... Offensive Language Offsets!

In the tradition of Carbon Offsets, you can now buy an offensive language offset to make up for your hot air. It's simple and cheap. You say something offensive and our specially trained offsetters will make up for your comments by posting some inoffensive platitudes.

Here's an example...
You are being interviewed by Chris Matthews. He starts bloviating about "Bush lied, People died". You respond with "You are a f#*^ing idiot". The crew gasps and you think "Oh Crap". But not to worry, you've bought Offensive Language Offsets. Within 24 hours, a statement, similar to the following, is released on Chickenhawk Express - "Chris Matthews may be a f#$&ing idiot, but he has great hair. You've gotta respect the hair." All is well and you are in the clear! Simple as that. Think of the freedom and the liberating sense that you will get knowing that you can say anything - it will be taken care of!

Offsets are available in packages of 10 for $25 up to an unlimited number of offsets for $1000 per year. Act quickly. We're sure that the upcoming Presidential campaigns are going to be full of comments that require an Offensive Language Offset.

Please note that this offer is only available to Conservatives, Bushbots, Right Wing Nuts and like minded people. Liberal moonbats need not apply because there are not enough Offensive Language Offsets available in the world to make up for the dumbass things you say. OOPPS... I guess I need to buy an offset now...

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